Day 5 of 40: Without Words

Day 5 of 40

As ironic as it seems, I’m without words today but here to write words on a blog. A full heart. A heart in process. A 40 day journey to be exact. (Continue below the *****).

•••••••••

What if we did this for today? But what if we did it for 40 days?!

{If you’ve heard my rant about this then scroll passed this to today’s account below the (*******) line}

Our goal for 40 days is to strengthen and nourish our spirit, soul and body. Sounds so sophisticated and a little boring to me… but what if it got kind of specific… and… what if it kind of worked?!!?

We create (Do you need the definition too? Because I did! So I looked it up for us!)

create: (verb) cause (something) to happen as a result of one’s actions

This drives me to become aware of what I am actually creating. I’m REEEAAALLY good at creating a grumpy attitude, a negative outlook on life, an overwhelming feeling, 30 extra pounds, irrational thinking…. I am just one talented woman. You too? {Big sigh}

But what if we became more intentional about what we were creating each day?!

What if we did these three things each day?!

Create conversations with God by talking to Him (prayer) and/or studying the Bible.
Create smiles, memories, feelings, giggles, and moments with people by taking the time to stop and be in the moment.
Create fuel for our body with the foods we choose.
For my own life, I notice that I start going into a spiral of the “blues” then slowly but surely off track when I start hiding from God, from people and hiding IN my pantry…. {Anyone else do that too?!}

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Today’s Life with Jamye

Day 5 of 40.

As ironic as it seems, I’m really without words today but definitely not without heart. Yet here I am click-clacking and tapping the words. Let’s see if I can do today’s journey documentation.  [As you’ll quickly see because I guarantee that this post won’t be short!  ha!]

1. {Spirit}

You know when you’re in the middle of something and you just can’t explain what’s going on.

Thats how I feel.

I feel like God has got me on a journey. An Eqypt to Canaan journey to be exact. One from captivity (although I would’ve told you I was happily in my Promised Land called Canaan, my Freedom) through my wilderness.

Its kind of wilderness like.

Wild.

I feel a bit uncaged right now.

Like I’m used to a pretty little cage with meals at their appropriate zoo hours and people at their predictable times. And now it’s getting unknown. Kind of wild to me. Kind of scary.

So strengthening myself in God today happened while at church.  Well, it started while getting ready this morning.  Then carried its way throughout church, and even after.

The word I kept hearing was REPENTANCE.

Not a bad word. A good one. Not one reserved only for people wanting to begin a relationship with God.  A word for all of us really.

This word rang with such attraction today.

Repent! John the Baptist shouted in the Bible. He stood and told the very disciplined ones “Change the way that you think!” Mainly about God.  Asking the people to accept Jesus as their King, their leader, their God.

But today, well……….. I’ve got a lot of core beliefs inside of me. Ya know, like…….

Toilet seats should be left down.

Snakes are not pets.

Soda shouldn’t be for breakfast.

or how about….

I’m only useful when fit and strong.

Yeah.  Ones like those.

I KNOW in my hear that that’s not true.  And it’s completely irrational.  But it’s how I feel.  It’s one of those “rational” beliefs that I’m realizing that are maybe irrational.  My goodness.  I sound like a basket case.

This is getting too real.  God’s asking a lot from me.

But I trust Him.

You too?

I think so, right?  That’s why we get along so well.

Anyway, God and I are in conversation about this. While I thought I had arrived, things have shaken a few more core beliefs to the top. Therefore, I’m thinking He might be asking me to repent…. not that I’ve intentionally sinned or done something wrong but maybe that I’ve not been thinking right all these years.  Maybe He’s asking me to change the way that I think. I’m not sure what that means for me, for us, exactly.

But I wondered for once this morning….. what would it be like to be COMPLETELY …. 100% COMPLETELY free from this. From this struggle with…..

I don’t know. Just with struggles.

Gosh, God and I had fun today. Just talking. Him hugging my heart. Us enjoying the thoughts, challenges, …..

What if that issue that we struggle with just completely vanished? Like….  COMPLETELY? Would we even be comfortable with it? What if….

You know, that deeeep dark fear…… just gone….. COMPLETELY free……

I think He wants that for us. We’ve all got them. And if we don’t, then maybe God will be so kind as to help us see ….

Gosh. I don’t make much sense. But it was a good heart softening day.  I hope for you too!

2. {Soul-Mind, Will, & Emotions}

So yep.  I don’t have much to say other than my hearts being softened more than I ever quite expected. You’d think that it would feel amazing and wonderful to have this softening. And it is. But to be honest, it’s quite vulnerable. Really shaky actually. Yet simultaneously joyful.

When I type away at what’s going on in this mind of mine, I somehow want to fold the spine to my journal, twist to lock and return it secretly to its private home among the socks.  Tucked away for no one to see. No one to judge. And know one to know.

But too much of me wants this journey to go somewhere. Somewhere big actually. Somewhere different. Somewhere free. Maybe to a place I’ve never been before.

•••••

I was greeted today with moments as I call “sharing oxygen” by people along this journey with us, and giving their words of inspiration, hope, strength, and confirmation.  All words I needed to hear.  Friends cheering me on saying with pools in their eyes “me too…. me too….”

This connection. This… this….. I don’t really know what to call it actually…. just this…. it’s too good.

It’s almost like a secret handshake.

My seeing the stats of this blog reaching hundreds… yet not knowing who sees or knows or feels…. that’s until they brave their vulnerability to walk up to me with the hugs, tears and the …”I feel that…. me too….keep going…” or just a simple “I’m enjoying your blog.”

That means everything.

So for all of you who have messaged me, emailed, texted, walked up, or introduced yourself to me.

Thank you.

I’m truly humbled.

•••••

Today was church day. A day with family and friends. So much goodness.

Then an afternoon family park day with friends. We don’t really do that often…. we did something new as a family. And it was so natural and so comfortable. There wasn’t a premeditated arrangement (ya know, the ones us control freaks like to call “planning”)… it just happened.

That’s different for us. Delightful!

Lots of laughs, of course.  As always.

The guys played ball.

My friend and I just chatted. As usual. So much to enjoy.

But one thing she asked me was…

Where do you hope to be at the end of these 40 days?

GREAT QUESTION!

And I answered like any great planner and writer would.

“I don’t know.”

Impressed?  Me too.  😉

3. {Body}

Today was a yay yay yay free meal day!  FRO-YO with my KIDD-Os!  (I acutally sang that to you.  You’re welcome!)

Here’s what I ate!  You’re getting the point by now, huh?!  Pretty simple, right?!  😉

Weekly Carb Cycle Tracker Blank Template

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Comments

  1. Dr. Lisa says:

    Good morning, Jamye!

    I’ve love following your posts and decided to join your journey. Mine will be 35 days with the option to extend. I know, not too biblical😉. I liked your 40 days till Pentecost but could not get my act together. I’m going to do a modified Arbonne program so I don’t have to think about breakfast and lunch. I may switch to carb cycling once I’m on track. And I’m going to try (again) to add consistent sleep to the “body” part.

    Here is today’s meditation. I especially liked

    “doing God’s work didn’t mean performing heroic deeds… he saw that the “work” of God was to cooperate with his grace every day, no matter what his situation. ”

    Have a great day!

    Love you 😘

    Lisa This is the work of God, that you believe in the one he sent. (John 6:29) As a young priest from Pennsylvania, Fr. Walter Ciszek was eager to do God’s work as a missionary in the Soviet Union. But things didn’t go the way he anticipated. Soon after he entered Russia, he was falsely accused of being a spy and spent years in captivity, first in the infamous Lubyanka prison, and then in various Siberian labor camps.

    One day, exhausted by the harsh interrogations, Fr. Ciszek came to the end of himself: “I lost all sense of hope. I saw only my weakness.” Desperate, he asked the Lord to help him. As he prayed, he began to see that doing God’s work didn’t mean performing heroic deeds as he had once thought. Pondering the example of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, he saw that the “work” of God was to cooperate with his grace every day, no matter what his situation.

    In today’s Gospel, Jesus says that the “work of God” is to believe in him, “the one” the Father sent (John 6:29). Now, of course we believe in Jesus, so there must be more here. And there is! Think back on the difficult moments in your life—perhaps an illness or a financial setback. Maybe you saw the need to exercise your faith in a new way. That’s where the “work” comes in. When you face a challenge, it can take some effort to figure out how to cooperate with God’s grace in that situation.

    In fact, the “work” of believing is not limited to times of crisis. Every day God gives us numerous opportunities to apply our faith to whatever situations we find ourselves in. Even mundane tasks can become gifts from God if we bring them to him and talk about them with him. God loves these casual conversations! He uses them to teach us, to encourage us, and to build up our faith.

    This is what Fr. Ciszek learned. He came to see God in each person he met and treated them accordingly. He came to see each painful and grueling task before him as a way to say yes to God. You can do the same!

    “Lord, show me how each situation I encounter is a way to do the ‘work’ of believing in you.”

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    • Yay! I’m so excited that you’ve decided to join along! And Arbonne sounds like a wonderful option. Whatever works for each one of us individually, right?! 😉 thank you for the devotions! I love the snippet that you pulled out as well! What Truth that is. That we partner with His grace everyday. That’s good! Lots of love! 😘

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