4 Things to Avoid When Fighting in Marriage (or any relationship!)

The first one on the stage to deliver a message at the Smart Conference 2015 was Dr. Les Parrott.  I don’t think he was a comedian but he was extremely hilarious!  Why?  Probably because he nailed the relationship between a husband and a wife.  My neck hurt from looking at Robert through the whole thing.  Robert was a genius and just smiled and looked straight ahead.  Ha!

Problem: Men and women are different.  That’s a problem! Ha!  It’s a problem unless we learn how conflict can actually bring us closer together.  {I learned some great info at during this Smart Conference 2015.}

les parrot

Who is he? “Dr. Less Parrott is a master communicator, having impacted people from all walks of life including executives, interntaionl government officials, professional athletes and college students.  He is an award-winning author of more than a dozen best-selling books including High-Maintenance Relationships, The Control Freak, 3 Seconds, Becoming Soul Mates, Your Time-Starved Marriage, and Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts.”

What did I learn? I learned “how to fight.” Here are the four things to avoid when fighting:

  1. Criticism
  2. Defensiveness
  3. Contempt {such as eye-rolling}
  4. Stonewalling {going cold and not responding}

I learned an extreme amount of information {as you can see on the note image below but I’ll keep it simple with these four things we can stop doing when we fight.}

Why did this message stick?  Okay…let’s get honest here!  I’ll call myself out on this one.  I thiiiiink that I just miiiight secretly roll my eyes when I get frustrated.  I’m not certain but someone that I’m married to might have possibly, could have maybe shared that I have done it once {or so}.  You too??  Good!  We’ll blame it on our years watching Full House with Stephanie Tanner as our role model.  😉


Why does this message mean something to me? It meant something to me because I don’t want to fight unfair or disrespectful.  In fact, he gave some statistical evidence about whether or not our marriages will survive based on these four things to avoid.  He actually said that complaining is okay.  Wow!  Praise Jesus!  But when our complaining turns from an “I ….” to a “You…” then we’ve crossed the line from voice our concern (complaining) to criticism.  All of this information is backed up by research from Standford. Great info and very encouraging!

If Robert and I are going to be in mad-hot steamy love at our 50th wedding anniversary celebration then we will probably need to address my #3 {not to do} eye-rolling thing.  Read about my dream here and join me on this site!

Living Intentionally Focused Everyday!






  1. Good read 🙂

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